Emotional intelligence 13 things mentally strong people wont do

Emotional intelligence 13 things mentally strong people wont doEmotional intelligence 13 things mentally strong people wont doWe all reach critical points in our lives where our mental strength is tested. It might be a toxic friend or colleague, a dead-end job, or a struggling relationship. Whatever the challenge, you have to binnensee things through a new lens, and take decisive action if you want to move through it successfully.It sounds easy, but it isnt.Its fascinating how mentally strong people set themselves apart from the crowd. Where others see impenetrable barriers, they see challenges to overcome.Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that mental strength comes from natural, unteachable traits that belong only to a lucky few. Its easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, mental strength is under your control, and its a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).When it first appeared to the masses, emotional intelligence served as the missing link in a peculia r finding people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70% of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ was the most important source of success.Decades of research now point to EQ being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90% of top performers have high EQ.Emotional intelligence is the something in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions to achieve positive results.Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know how much you have and what you can do to improve it if you lack it. You can always take a scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with theEmotional Intelligence 2.0book.Unfortunately, quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests arent free, so Ive analyzed the data from the million-plus peopleTalentS marthas tested in order to identify the behaviors that are the hallmarks of a high EQ. This data shows that what youdontdo is just as important as what you do when it comes to EQ.The beauty of EQ is that its a flexible skill that you can easily improve with effort. Absolutely anyone can enhance their EQ by emulating the habits of emotionally mit anspruch people. If youre up for it, start with these critical things that emotionally niveauvoll people are careful to avoid. They consciously avoid these behaviors because they are tempting and easy to fall into if one isnt careful.They dont stay in their comfort zone.Self-awareness is the foundation of EQ, and increasing your self-awareness isnt comfortable. You cant increase your EQ without pushing yourself to discover what you need to work on and what you should be doing differently. This is hard because when you take a really good look at yourself, you arent going to like everything you see. Its more comfortable to keep the blinders on , but they make certain that youll never have a high EQ.They dont give in to fear.They say that bravery is being scared to death to do something and doing it anyway. Many times, thats true, even when it comes to your career. The fear doesnt have to come from something as extreme as rushing into a burning building it can be a fear of public speaking or going out on a limb to try for a promotion. If you use fear as an excuse not to do something, youve already lost. Its not that emotionally niveauvoll people arent afraid- they simply pick themselves up and fight on regardless of the fear.They dont stop believing in themselves.Emotionally anspruchsvoll people persevere. They dont give up in the face of failure, and they dont give up because theyre tired or uncomfortable. Theyre focused on their goals, not on momentary feelings, and that keeps them going even when things are hard. They dont take failing to mean that theyre a failure. Likewise, they dont let the opinions of others keep th em from chasing their dreams. When someone says, Youll never be able to do that, they regard it as one persons opinion, which is all it is.They dont beg for attention.People who are always begging for attention are needy. They rely on that attention from other people to form their self-identity. Emotionally anspruchsvoll people couldnt care less about attention. They do what they want to do and what needs to be done, regardless of whether anyone is stroking their ego.They dont act like jerks.People who act like jerks are unhappy and insecure. They act like jerks because they dont have the emotional strength to be nice when they dont feel like it. Emotionally intelligent people place high value on their relationships, which means they treat everyone with respect, regardless of the kind of mood theyre in.They dont hold grudges.The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devas tating health consequences over time. Researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means youre holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs.They dont hang around negative people.Negative people are schwimmbad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. People often feel pressure to listen to negative people because they dont want to be seen as callous or rude, but theres a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear to someone and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral. Emotionally intelligent people avoid getting drawn in by setting limits and distancing themselves from negative people when necessary. Think of it this way If a person were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? Youd distance yourself, and you should do the same with negative people.They dont feel sorry for themselves.Heres the worst thing about feeling sorry for yourself, other than it being annoying, of course it shifts your locus of control outside yourself. Feeling sorry for yourself is, in essence, declaring that youre a helpless victim of circumstance. Emotionally intelligent people never feel sorry for themselves because that would mean giving up their power.They dont feel entitled.Emotionally intelligent people believe that the world is a meritocracy and that the only things that they deserve are those that they earn. People who lack EQ often feel entitled. They think that the world owes them something. Again, its about locus of control. Emotionally intelligent people know that they alone are responsible for their successes or failures.They dont close their minds.When people close their minds to new information or opinions, its typically because they find them threatening. They thi nk that admitting that someone else is right means that theyre wrong, and thats very uncomfortable for people lacking EQ. Emotionally intelligent people arent threatened by new things theyre open to new information and new ideas, even if it means admitting that they are wrong.They dont letanyonelimit their joy.When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself with others, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something theyve done, they dont let anyones opinions or accomplishments take that away from them. While its impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you dont have to compare yourself with others, and you can always take peoples opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain- youre never as goo d or bad as they say you are.They dont get eaten up by jealousy and envy.Emotionally intelligent people understand that the happiness and success of others doesnt take away from their own, so jealousy and envy arent an issue for them. They see success as being in unlimited supply, so they can celebrate others successes.They dont live in the past.Failure can erode your self-confidence and make it hard to believe youll achieve a better outcome in the future. Most of the time, failure results from taking risks and trying to achieve things that arent easy. Emotionally intelligent people know that success lies in their ability to rise in the face of failure, and they cant do this if theyre living in the past. Anything worth achieving is going to require your taking some risks, and you cant allow failure to stop you from believing in your ability to succeed. When you live in the past, that is exactly what happens- your past becomes your present and prevents you from moving forward.Bringin g It All TogetherImproving your emotional intelligence is the single most important thing you can do to advance your career. The good news is that you can make it happen with a little determination, effort, and a good model to follow.Travis Bradberry is the coauthor ofEmotional Intelligence 2.0and the cofounder ofTalentSmart.This article originally appeared onLinkedIn.Emotional intelligence 13 things mentally strong people wont doWe all reach critical points in our lives where our mental strength is tested. It might be a toxic friend or colleague, a dead-end job, or a struggling relationship. Whatever the challenge, you have to see things through a new lens, and take decisive action if you want to move through it successfully.It sounds easy, but it isnt.Its fascinating how mentally strong people set themselves apart from the crowd. Where others see impenetrable barriers, they see challenges to overcome.Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that mental strength comes from na tural, unteachable traits that belong only to a lucky few. Its easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, mental strength is under your control, and its a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).Follow Ladders on FlipboardFollow Ladders magazines on Flipboard covering Happiness, Productivity, Job Satisfaction, Neuroscience, and moreWhen it first appeared to the masses, emotional intelligence served as the missing link in a peculiar finding people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70% of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ was the most important source of success.Decades of research now point to EQ being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90% of top performers have high EQ.Emotional intelligence is the something in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make perso nal decisions to achieve positive results.Despite the significance of EQ, its intangible nature makes it very difficult to know how much you have and what you can do to improve it if you lack it. You can always take a scientifically validated test, such as the one that comes with theEmotional Intelligence 2.0book.Unfortunately, quality (scientifically valid) EQ tests arent free, so Ive analyzed the data from the million-plus peopleTalentSmarthas tested in order to identify the behaviors that are the hallmarks of a high EQ. This data shows that what youdontdo is just as important as what you do when it comes to EQ.The beauty of EQ is that its a flexible skill that you can easily improve with effort. Absolutely anyone can enhance their EQ by emulating the habits of emotionally intelligent people. If youre up for it, start with these critical things that emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid. They consciously avoid these behaviors because they are tempting and easy to fal l into if one isnt careful.They dont stay in their comfort zone.Self-awareness is the foundation of EQ, and increasing your self-awareness isnt comfortable. You cant increase your EQ without pushing yourself to discover what you need to work on and what you should be doing differently. This is hard because when you take a really good look at yourself, you arent going to like everything you see. Its more comfortable to keep the blinders on, but they make certain that youll never have a high EQ.They dont give in to fear.They say that bravery is being scared to death to do something and doing it anyway. Many times, thats true, even when it comes to your career. The fear doesnt have to come from something as extreme as rushing into a burning building it can be a fear of public speaking or going out on a limb to try for a promotion. If you use fear as an excuse not to do something, youve already lost. Its not that emotionally intelligent people arent afraid- they simply pick themselves u p and fight on regardless of the fear.They dont stop believing in themselves.Emotionally intelligent people persevere. They dont give up in the face of failure, and they dont give up because theyre tired or uncomfortable. Theyre focused on their goals, not on momentary feelings, and that keeps them going even when things are hard. They dont take failing to mean that theyre a failure. Likewise, they dont let the opinions of others keep them from chasing their dreams. When someone says, Youll never be able to do that, they regard it as one persons opinion, which is all it is.They dont beg for attention.People who are always begging for attention are needy. They rely on that attention from other people to form their self-identity. Emotionally intelligent people couldnt care less about attention. They do what they want to do and what needs to be done, regardless of whether anyone is stroking their ego.They dont act like jerks.People who act like jerks are unhappy and insecure. They act like jerks because they dont have the emotional strength to be nice when they dont feel like it. Emotionally intelligent people place high value on their relationships, which means they treat everyone with respect, regardless of the kind of mood theyre in.They dont hold grudges.The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. Researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means youre holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs.They dont hang around negative people.Negative people are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. People often feel pressure to listen to negative p eople because they dont want to be seen as callous or rude, but theres a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear to someone and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral. Emotionally intelligent people avoid getting drawn in by setting limits and distancing themselves from negative people when necessary. Think of it this way If a person were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? Youd distance yourself, and you should do the same with negative people.They dont feel sorry for themselves.Heres the worst thing about feeling sorry for yourself, other than it being annoying, of course it shifts your locus of control outside yourself. Feeling sorry for yourself is, in essence, declaring that youre a helpless victim of circumstance. Emotionally intelligent people never feel sorry for themselves because that would mean giving up their power.They dont feel entitled.Emotionally intelligent people believe that the world is a meritocracy and tha t the only things that they deserve are those that they earn. People who lack EQ often feel entitled. They think that the world owes them something. Again, its about locus of control. Emotionally intelligent people know that they alone are responsible for their successes or failures.They dont close their minds.When people close their minds to new information or opinions, its typically because they find them threatening. They think that admitting that someone else is right means that theyre wrong, and thats very uncomfortable for people lacking EQ. Emotionally intelligent people arent threatened by new things theyre open to new information and new ideas, even if it means admitting that they are wrong.They dont letanyonelimit their joy.When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself with others, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something theyve done, they dont let anyones opinions o r accomplishments take that away from them. While its impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you dont have to compare yourself with others, and you can always take peoples opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain- youre never as good or bad as they say you are.They dont get eaten up by jealousy and envy.Emotionally intelligent people understand that the happiness and success of others doesnt take away from their own, so jealousy and envy arent an issue for them. They see success as being in unlimited supply, so they can celebrate others successes.They dont live in the past.Failure can erode your self-confidence and make it hard to believe youll achieve a better outcome in the future. Most of the time, failure results from taking risks and trying to achieve things that arent easy. Emotio nally intelligent people know that success lies in their ability to rise in the face of failure, and they cant do this if theyre living in the past. Anything worth achieving is going to require your taking some risks, and you cant allow failure to stop you from believing in your ability to succeed. When you live in the past, that is exactly what happens- your past becomes your present and prevents you from moving forward.Bringing It All TogetherImproving your emotional intelligence is the single most important thing you can do to advance your career. The good news is that you can make it happen with a little determination, effort, and a good model to follow.Travis Bradberry is the coauthor ofEmotional Intelligence 2.0and the cofounder ofTalentSmart.This article originally appeared onLinkedIn.You might also enjoyNew neuroscience reveals 4 rituals that will make you happyStrangers know your social class in the first seven words you say, study finds10 lessons from Benjamin Franklins da ily schedule that will double your productivityThe worst mistakes you can make in an interview, according to 12 CEOs10 habits of mentally strong people